


Nightmare Medic

by WindChimeGhost



Category: Transformers Animated (2007)
Genre: Adventure, Autobots - Freeform, Decepticons - Freeform, Gen, Humor, Medical, Short Story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-13
Updated: 2012-04-13
Packaged: 2017-11-03 13:46:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/381981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WindChimeGhost/pseuds/WindChimeGhost
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Starscream shows up at the Autobot base late one rainy night, claiming he needs medical care. When the Autobots discover that the devious seeker is obviously faking his sickness in order to steal Autobot secrets, Ratchet comes up with a plan that will make Starscream wish he had never set foot in the Autobots’ hideout!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nightmare Medic

**Author's Note:**

> ~ Critique not desired ~
> 
> Just a small, random, humorous fanfic that I started writing last year (2011) and never finished. I decided to pick it back up again and finish it, since I’m tired of starting fics and leaving them half done.
> 
>  
> 
> Transformers and all related characters © Hasbro
> 
> Fanfic and plot ©2012 by me (please do not take, use, or edit without my permission)

It was a dark and cold night in October. The rain had been pouring for what seemed like hours. The soothing and gentle sound of the steady downpour on the roof was enough to relax and lull anyone into a deep sleep. It was the only sound that could be heard throughout the old automotive factory as Ratchet sat at one of the work stations in his room and tinkered with a gadget of unknown origin. Sari and the other Autobots were in bed. Ratchet, not being able to recharge, decided to stay up and fiddle with his equipment and to keep watch for any signs of trouble.

The single light overhead cast a warm glow around his work table, chasing away the gloominess that seeped in around the area. But the old medic didn’t seem to notice or care. His attention was focused entirely on the piece of machinery he held in his hands. Grumbling, he put down the wrench he had been holding and picked up another tool while turning the contraption over to get at it from another angle. Cables and wires flopped against the table’s surface and a drop of light colored oil dripped.

“Slag this thing,” he lightly cursed, putting the gadget down in front of him and leaning back in his chair. He drummed his white fingers on the table’s top while becoming lost in thought. He stared intently at the troublesome thing and pondered his next move. He missed Cybertron. He missed it more during lonely nights like this when he felt limited and helpless due to earth’s primitive technology. He would never admit it openly, but being stuck on a planet without Cybertronian tech scared him. He was a medic. He needed resources. What if there was a dire emergency and one of his teammates needed a certain part replaced? Where would he obtain it from? Of course there was Sari’s key. It seemed capable of healing any wounds he couldn’t mend himself. But Ratchet didn’t trust it to heal everything…

Sighing, Ratchet picked up his gadget again and reached for a welding torch, but stopped. He looked up at the gently swaying lamp above him before turning his optics toward the door. He listened. Something inside him stirred, but he couldn't understand what for or why. It was as if something was about to happen. He could feel it. Taking his hands off the torch and the gadget, he got up and made his way out into the hall and eventually into the main room. Everything looked fine. He walked over to the communications area.

"These old stabilizing servos aren't like they used to be." he groaned to himself, rubbing a hand down his right thigh and leg to work out the stiffness. He tapped one of the monitors' keypads, checking over the security system and making himself look busy. He didn't understand why he felt a need to do it, but keeping himself occupied made him feel better.

Suddenly a loud pounding at the base's main door echoed through the semi-silence. Ratchet actually jumped and gripped whatever his hands were resting on. His head snapped in the direction of the sound. It continued on, becoming louder and more feverish and urgent. Who could be knocking at the base's door that late at night? Who could be knocking on the base’s door at all, especially since no one knew about it?

Ratchet hurried to the door, opening it quickly and cautiously. He readied his magnets and aimed them. What he saw caused the energon to freeze inside his veins. Out of the rainy darkness stumble Starscream. The rain soaked seeker tumbled forward and landed in a heap on the floor at his feet. He held a shredded piece of white cloth between two clawed fingers. Ratchet closed the door before the rain had a chance to get in. He quickly turned to face the enemy, his optics wide and weapons poised. Starscream didn't move. A pool of water started to form on the floor under the lifeless body.

"Why are you here?" Ratchet asked softly, keeping his weapons on Screamer.

At first Starscream didn't answer, but then his head moved slightly to face Ratchet. He slowly wiggled the piece of white cloth he held.

"Under normal circumstances I would enjoy this wonderful opportunity to wipe you Autobots out, but I am in no mood for fighting. See?—my flag of truce."

"Keep talkin'," said Ratchet, not lowering his weapons.

"I'm sick," Starscream choked out. "I think it's from bad oil or... something. Maybe it’s a virus. I don't know. All I know is that I have felt like this for several solarcycles."

"And why did you come here?"

"You're the only medic I know of." he rolled over on his side, holding his stomach with one hand, and held up a claw. "I do not approve of you Autobots, but you are the only medic within reach. It's not like I had a choice. It was either this or lying there, dying in misery in my base."

“I would have preferred the latter…” Ratchet mumbled under his breath.

"Ratchet, what's going on?"

Ratchet looked up to see Optimus Prime standing across from him, ax in hand. "Why is Starscream lying in the middle of the Autobot base?"

"He was just tellin' me an interestin’ story about that."

"For spark's sake! Ignore my faction for tonight and treat me!!" Starscream screeched out, throwing his shredded, wet cloth at Optimus, who caught it. He looked at it quizzically.

"If you must know, Autobot," Starscream winced, "I’m sick. I need a medic and Ratchet is the only one I know of. So for tonight, I'm factionless until I'm well enough to leave! Is that a good enough explanation for you?!"

The other Autobots and Sari had secretly entered the room sometime during Starscream's explanation. They stood at a distance behind Optimus and exchanged glances with each other. All of them didn't trust the seeker. Bumblebee stood protectively in front of Sari, but the young girl still managed to poke her head around the corner of the doorway, not wanting to miss anything.

“You Autobots are supposed to help others, correct?” Starscream continued. “Would you really walk away and let me suffer?” Starscream gave Optimus the most innocent look he could muster. Even Sari couldn’t help but feel a little sorry for the Decepticon.

“Don’t tempt me.” Ratchet grumbled. Starscream turned a glare toward the medic.

Optimus sighed and glanced at Ratchet. "Very well, Starscream." he said at last, putting his ax away and nodding at Ratchet to do the same with his weapons. Ratchet obeyed.

"You Autobots should welcome me, seeing that we all have mutual feelings when it comes to Megatron. You do know that I am no longer following or serving that pompous windbag. In fact, I’ve actually thought about helping you Autobots a few times."

"Nevertheless, you're still a Decepticon. And until you show us you have completely turned to the Autobot side, you will always be looked at as one of the enemies."

Starscream scowled, and then let out a moan, closing his optics and putting a hand on his head.

“Optimus,” Sari started, but Prowl put a hand up to hush her.

"Prime, I'd like to talk with you and the others... privately." said Ratchet after studying the Decepticon at his feet.

"Ar—aren't you going to treat me?" Screamer cracked an optic open and peered at the old medic.

"In a minute." said Ratchet, turning to follow Optimus.

"But..."

"You'll survive," Ratchet called over his shoulder. He then motioned for his friends to enter the hallway leading to the bedrooms. Once there and out of earshot of Starscream, Ratchet turned to glance at the doorway and then his optics fixed on Optimus.

“I don’t trust him, Prime.”

“Neither do I.” Optimus agreed. “Something’s definitely wrong about all of this. And how did he find us?”

“Who knows?”

“What if he IS sick? I mean, we can’t just assume he isn’t and throw him out, can we?” said Bumblebee. “For once he might actually be telling the truth. Why would he lie about needing medical help?”

“This is Starscream we’re talkin’ about. He would lie about anything if it meant him getting his way.” Ratchet turned to look at the small yellow bot. “But yer’re right. We can’t assume he’s not sick and throw him out, as much as I hate to admit it. He came to us for help and we can’t deny him of that.”

“Um… hello? He’s a Decepticon. Why should we care if he’s sick or not? What has he ever done to help any of us?” Sari huffed.

“It doesn’t matter if he’s a Decepticon or not, Sari. He needs help, so the right thing to do would be to help him.” said Optimus. “It’s true that he is the enemy, but… sometimes you have to look past the faction. If we ever hope to make peace with the Decepticons someday, we have to start somewhere. A little kindness never hurt anyone.”

“The logical thing to do would be to assume he is sick, treat him, and then send him on his way as quickly as possible.” Prowl suggested. “And while he’s here, we need to keep our optics on him at all times. If he isn’t sick, the only other possible reason he would be here would be to obtain some sort of information.”

“Like, right now?” Bulkhead whispered, turning from the doorway leading to the main room. “I hate to say this, guys, but Starscream is nosing around the communications station. And he doesn’t look that sick to me.”

The Autobots and Sari silently walked up behind Bulkhead and peeked around the doorway. Starscream was standing in the middle of the communications area of the factory, leaning over one of the consoles. He appeared to be busy typing on one of the keyboards. And like Bulkhead had mentioned, he didn’t look sick at all—neither was he in pain. Optimus quickly pulled everyone back into the hallway where they had been.

“I knew something was wrong about all of this.” he whispered. “Prowl, you were right. It looks like he’s faking being sick in order to get at our files.”

“So what are we waiting for? Let’s go in there and throw his sorry skidplate out of here. Since we know he isn’t sick, we won’t feel so bad about doing it now.” Bumblebee whipped out one of his stingers. Ratchet put a hand on the young robot’s arm.

“Wait just a minute.” he said. “I have a better idea—one that will be more fun and shouldn’t have to call for violence.” A smile creased the old medic’s lips as he turned his optics to Optimus. “I have a plan that will teach Starscream a lesson he’ll not soon forget.”

“What do you have in mind, old friend?” Optimus eyed Ratchet.

“If Starscream claims he’s sick, why don’t I just go ahead and treat him?” Ratchet grinned. “Only this time I’ll throw the medical book out the window.”

Suddenly understanding what he meant, Optimus couldn’t help but smile amusingly. “I think I like this plan of yours. Tell us what you want us to do.”

“Well…”

Ratchet told the group of his plan as they made their way to the medbay. Bulkhead was left to watch over Starscream while Ratchet and the others prepared to accept their patient. Once they were done, they returned to the hallway and filled Bulkhead in on everything. Sari giggled and danced around excitedly, not being able to wait any longer to watch the show. Bumblebee held up a finger to his mouth and shushed her before stifling a few giggles himself.

Ratchet walked out into the main room and toward Starscream. The seeker was sitting on the floor, his back propped up against one of the walls. He groaned and held his stomach. He was a really good actor, Ratchet gave him that much.

“Does it still hurt?” Ratchet asked, leaning over and helping Starscream to stand.

“Worse than it did a few minutes ago.” he moaned in reply.

“Well, I have the medbay all set up for you. C’mon and let’s get you in there.”

Starscream pushed himself up to a standing position, leaning a hand against the wall to steady himself. Ratchet helped to guide him to the medbay and onto the examination table. Starscream cautiously eyed the Autobot.

“Th—this won’t hurt, will it?” Starscream asked nervously.

“Of course not. There won’t be any pain at all.” Ratchet replied. “Not for me, anyway.” he added in a low whisper to himself, grabbing up a piece of cloth. He turned and placed the cloth in Starscream’s hands and motioned for Starscream to dry himself off. The Decepticon gladly accepted it and began to dry himself.

“Now, how long have you been feeling like this?” Ratchet asked, picking up something that looked like a Cybertronian equivalent of a tongue depressor.

“Like I said before; about two or three solarcycles.”

“Mm hm. Open yer mouth.”

Starscream hesitated a moment, looking from Ratchet to the tongue depressor and back again.

“You don’t have any problem opening it any other time. Is there a reason why you can’t open it now?” Ratchet griped.

“What are you going to do?”

“I’m going to check your mouth and throat! For spark’s sake, open that loud mouth of yours before I pry it open.”

Starscream’s optics widened and he obeyed, allowing Ratchet to examine his throat. The medic prodded around with his depressor, pushing down on Starscream’s tongue. He wasn’t looking for anything in particular, of course, but was putting on an act like Starscream was. Ratchet ended the fake examination by jabbing the back of Screamer’s mouth with the depressor.

“OW!” The seeker jerked his head away and gagged and coughed.

“I don’t see anythin’ wrong there.” Ratchet innocently said. Starscream scowled hard at the Autobot.

"Does this hurt?" Ratchet asked, pushing on part of Screamer's stomach. Starscream shook his head. Ratchet pushed on another area and again Screamer shook his head. "Well, suppose you show me where it hurts."

"It hurts inside." he replied. "Just... inside,"

Ratchet stood and stared at the seeker, the rain outside still pouring heavily and sounding loud in the midst of the silence. Starscream shrugged.

"It feels like a stomachache, that's all I know to describe it!" he flailed and then added a fake wince and groan before clutching his stomach. Ratchet gently felt around Screamer’s stomach a little more before purposely jamming a finger in a sensitive spot. Starscream yelled and grabbed his side.

“Ah hah!” Ratchet grinned triumphantly. “There’s where it hurts!”

Starscream gasped before shooting the medic a death glare.

"Hmmmm... The pain is obviously located on the side. Just as I thought," Ratchet mused, lifting Starscream’s left arm far over his head until it pained the seeker. Starscream grunted and kept himself from screaming out. "You know, I think I have just the thing for this." Ratchet, letting Screamer’s arm fall to the side, turned around and began preparing something out of sight.

"I—Is it serious?" Starscream had no idea what the medic had in store for him, but he felt he needed to keep up his little charade, even if it was… painful.

"Not too serious." Ratchet talked over his shoulder. "I'm thinking it's... grafyuopis."

Starscream's optics widened. "Graf... graf… whaaat?!"

"It's a type of fuel tank infection. Most fliers get it eventually. It's caused by dirt in the air gettin' sucked into yer system. It can turn nasty if it isn't treated right away."

Starscream worriedly looked down at his stomach and back at Ratchet.

“Oh, don’t worry about it. We caught it just in time. Had you waited a few more solarcycles, though, it would have gone into the more developed stages.” Ratchet stopped what he was doing and turned to Starscream. “It always starts with a stomachache and then processor aches. After that you start feeling sharp pains in yer side, like this…”

Ratchet suddenly punched Starscream hard in the side, knocking the breath out of him. Starscream’s eyes nearly popped out of his head and he doubled over.

“Is your bedside manner always like this, Autobot??” Starscream grunted. Ratchet ignored him.

“Then the pain would have moved up to yer wings and if that had happened, I would have been forced to cut them off about here.” said Ratchet, indicating with his hand. Starscream wheezed and backed away from the medic.

“Fortunately for you, it’s perfectly treatable in this early stage.” Ratchet smiled, turning back around for a second and then showing Starscream the large needle he held in his hand. Starscream’s optics widened even more and he moved restlessly like he could shoot off the examination table at any moment.

“N—n—now listen,” Starscream held up both hands. “I—I’m okay, really!”

“C’mon, Screamy ol’ boy, this won’t hurt a bit.” Ratchet grabbed hold of Starscream’s arm and tried holding him in place, but Starscream jerked out of the hold and tried making a beeline for the door. He didn’t make it far and crashed into Bulkhead.

“Hold him down, Bulkhead.” said Ratchet. Bulkhead smiled and grabbed onto Starscream, pushing him in the direction of the table. Starscream whimpered in defeat and willingly returned to where he had been sitting. He sighed and offered Ratchet his arm.

“Curse you Autobots.” he mumbled. Ratchet stood motionless and with an un-amused look on his face. “What?!?!”

“Bulkhead, turn the patient over. I think this is best administered in another area.” Ratchet bluntly ordered. Bulkhead grabbed hold of Starscream and forced him to lie down on his stomach. Startled, Screamer kicked and flailed violently.

“WHAT are you doing?!?!” he shrieked. “Y—y—you can’t do this to me!”

“Oh, be quiet, fly boy!” Ratchet yelled back. “I just hope this end of you isn’t as hard as yer head is.”

“What are you talking about?!?” Starscream again shrieked hoarsely before Bulkhead pushed his head down to the table. Before Starscream could say anything else in protest, he felt a sharp, stinging pain shoot through his skidplate. He gasped before emitting a scream that echoed throughout the entire Autobot base. The other Autobots winced and covered their audios. Sari and Bumblebee could do nothing but laugh.

“They don’t call him Starscream for nothin’!” said Ratchet, checking to see if his audios were still functioning after he had finished giving Starscream the injection. Bulkhead did the same. One of the nearby lights popped into a shattering of glass.

“Ow, ow…!” Starscream winced. “You’re evil, you know that?”

Ratchet only smiled. “Do you want to get better or not?”

Starscream gritted his teeth. By now he was beginning to regret even coming to the base.

“Bulkhead, hold him down again.”

“Whaaaat?!?!” Starscream felt fear surge through him. “Oh, no! No, no! I feel fine, really I do!”

“You see the infection you have in your stomach calls for three separate injections.” Ratchet explained. Starscream shook his head and scrambled to get out of Bulkhead’s hold, but the Autobot was much too strong even for him.

After two more rounds of high pitched screaming, the base was once again quiet. Poor Starscream lay in a heap on the examination table, groaning and whimpering and sniffing away tears. He felt awful. Not only was his aft one big stinging sore, but whatever medicine Ratchet had shot into him was starting to take effect. He felt woozy and weak. He couldn’t keep his optic lids open any longer. He saw the fuzzy form of Ratchet hovering over him, he groaned, and then blacked out.

Starscream felt like he was stuck in limbo, somewhere between waking and sleeping, living and dying. He wasn’t sure exactly where he was. But one thing was for sure, he was running. He kept seeing visions of an evil Autobot doctor having fangs and glowing optics and chasing after him while wielding a saw in one hand. There was evil laughter all around him. It sounded more menacing than Megatron’s laugh. He didn’t know where he was going, but he knew he had to keep running. He had to keep going somewhere—anywhere—just to get away from the maniac medic!

~ ~

When Starscream regained consciousness again, he shook away the remainder of the dream and peered around him. Much to his displeasure, Ratchet was still beside him.

“Well, well, Sleeping Beauty finally wakes. Too bad the ‘beauty’ part doesn’t fit.”

“Wha—what happened?” Starscream asked, groggily slurring his words.

“Side effects of the medication,” Ratchet explained. “Don’t worry about it.”

A wave of dizziness hit Starscream and his head flopped backwards onto the table with a clunk.

“While you were in recharge, I took some energon samples. And I’m sorry to inform you but the infection is worse than I first thought. I think I’m gonna have to operate.”

“Operate??” Starscream’s head shot up. Whatever dizziness he still felt was completely gone now. His optics bulged and nervously followed Ratchet’s hands over to a small tray beside him. The tray was filled with tools and other gadgets that were meant to be used for slicing, cutting, and welding.

“Now, if I cut right through here…” Ratchet traced an invisible line over the middle of Starscream’s chest with his finger before activating one of his sawing tools. Starscream began to squirm and suddenly shot off the examination table as fast as he could.

“Please! I beg of you! Don’t hurt me!!” he wailed and hunkered down against the wall. “I’m not sick! I—I—I was only faking! So I… could get to your information! I’m sorry! Just don’t hurt me!”

“We knew all a long, Starscream.” Optimus said, appearing in the doorway. Starscream turned a shocked expression toward the Autobot leader.

“You mean…”

“Yes, I knew all a long that you weren’t sick, you miserable little punk!” Ratchet walked toward Screamer. “Now you get yer skidplate out of here before I throw it out.”

Starscream wasted no time and scrambled out of the medbay, past Optimus, and down the hall, nearly pushing Bumblebee and Sari out of the way. Prowl was waiting at the main door to let the seeker out. Once outside, Starscream quickly changed to jet mode and flew off.

“And don’t you ever come back!” Sari ran up beside Prowl and yelled after the air commander.

“I have a feelin’ that he won’t be coming back any time soon.” said Ratchet, walking up behind Prowl. Optimus and the others joined them.

“I have to hand it to you, Ratchet; you really know how to treat Decepticons.” Optimus smiled and winked.

“Thanks, Prime.” Ratchet smiled in return. “You can’t ever say I don’t have a sense of humor now.”

-End


End file.
